So, contrary to popular belief feminists do not hate men.
Some of are even us, like, friends with them and stuff. In fact, we want you to
join us. JOIN USSSSSSSS.
There is nothing sexier than a male feminist. Not that that
should matter because y’all don’t exist to be seen as attractive to women, or
men or whatever floats your boat. See, it works both ways!
I feel like the best way for men to be allies to their
female brethren (here meaning ‘fellow members of the human race’) is for them
to understand, firstly, why we need feminism, and secondly, how life is outside
of their privileged male vantage point. The two are very much linked, of
course, one necessitates the other. So I put together a few FAQs to address
this and help you lovely men-folk to educate yourselves.
What is feminism?
The way in which I personally define feminism is the belief
in an equal society for all people regardless of their gender, race, class,
sexuality or able-bodiedness. My type of feminism is inclusive and
intersectional. It is primarily focused upon gender issues and, more narrowly,
issues of female oppression but not at the cost of ignoring other oppressed
groups.
However, feminism throughout the ages has been defined in
many different ways and not everyone who calls themselves a ‘feminist’ shares
my views. Essentially, feminism came in three waves but I’ll skip the history
lesson and try to summarise for you as generally as possible.
First-wave feminism = Took place around the late 19th,
early 20th century. Mostly white, middle-class women fighting for
female suffrage, more power for females in general on masculine terms, legal
battles for gender equality.
Second-wave feminism = Took place around 1960s up to the
1990s. In canon with other civil rights issues. Rejection of masculine ideas of
power, radical feminism, mobilisation of a larger movement, issues like
co-education and reproductive rights.
Third-wave feminism = Beginning around the 1990s and
arguably still present today. The type of feminism I described initially fits
best with this wave. Focus upon gender violence, rape culture and reproductive
rights. Denies essentialism (the idea that one group must have all the same
traits).
So, feminists DON’T
hate all men?
Nope. In fact, what we want is mutual respect and equality
for all genders. A lot of feminists may seem like they are just angry with all
men or ‘out to get you’ but the fact is, when we say the word ‘men’ we normally
not referring to every male-identified person on this planet but more the ideas
put about by that gender and the way society favours them. I seriously don’t
need you to tell me that ‘not all men are like that’ because I know. I know a
great many wonderful, compassionate men and I know you are not all rigid
enforcers of patriarchy but we are speaking in general terms here, try not to
take things personally. If you feel badly about something then you may want to
consider why that is and whether it is because it is something you’ve partaken
in yourself.
But men and women are
pretty much equal now, aren’t they?
Oh gosh honey, no. Men and women are not paid the same wages,
which is the most tangible example of inequality. But there is so much more.
Second-wave feminism won us a lot of battles but the war ain’t over yet.
The way in which women are treated by our society is not as
that of an equal. We are discriminated against in the workplace, in public and
in our homes. We are subject to harassment, violence, sexual assault, rape and
abuse on an overwhelmingly large scale. Our contributions to society have been
hidden from the history that our children are learning. Our reproductive rights,
our bodies are up for discussion by those who have no business discussing them.
We are constantly viewed as objects and not people. I could go on.
But men are
discriminated against too! Just look at army drafting, arrest rates etc.
Yes, all of these things are valid and really do hurt men.
But that does not counter feminism nor is it at odds with it. These things are
a result of our patriarchal society. These are the negative effects that men
have to suffer, as well as women. This is the result of women being seen as ‘the
weaker sex’ and men’s gender roles relying so heavily upon perceived strength
and dominance. There are negative side-effects for both and all genders. Gender
roles are a damaging part of patriarchy used to maintain the status quo. This
is why your role within the feminist movement is so important; it is beneficial
to you too.
How can I be a
feminist if I am not female/female-identified?
As a male/male-identified person you are in a uniquely
powerful position within our society. There are many positive things that you
can do to help further the feminist cause. You are able to confront your peers
about these issues and be listened to in a way that a woman may not be. By
challenging behaviour that reinforces patriarchy you are able to open up a
dialogue in which such behaviour is discussed and not merely accepted as the
norm. And this is phenomenally brave and a wonderful thing to do.
Something that you should also understand, however, is that,
within a feminist group, a women’s voice takes precedence over your own. Not
because any one person is more important than another but because a women’s
views on her own experiences should not be challenged and spoken over by men
within a feminist space, as they are within wider society. These are safe
places for us and, as an oppressed group, we need to find our voice and express
our own experiences without being spoken for by others.
Another thing you can do is to listen. Just listen to women
and respect their views and try to feel compassion for them. We don’t want
pity, we want understanding. I am sure that you are already doing these things
and for that, I thank you.
What is male
privilege?
Privilege means, in this context, inherent rights given to a
dominant group in society. Male privilege is many things; it is all of the
things that you take for granted that are not afforded to the female gender. It
is being able to walk down the street in a city without being harassed by men,
it is being considered for a high-paid business job without controversy or
questioning, it is not being expected to shave the hair off your body; it is
not being called a slut for sleeping around. It is many, many things you
probably never realised or considered. This does not make you a ‘bad person’
but it is something that you need to start considering. You are privileged in
our society and in your privilege others are oppressed. What you can do is to ‘check’
your privilege; that is, to recognise it and how it affects others.
Once you realise your privilege it is easy to feel guilt and
reproach at others pointing it out. Don’t. Again, we are not ‘getting at you’
on a personal level. So long as you are willing to learn from what you are told
and take it on board, so long as you want to learn and understand, then you are
our ally.
I hope that this was useful to you and increased your
understanding of something which I strongly believe in and fight for. I hope
you will want to fight alongside me. Or at least, I hope I provoked some
thought in you. If you have further questions, please ask them. I’d be only too
happy to discuss them with you.
